


Steak and Separation

by Keiko Kirin (sakana17)



Series: Steak [9]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-06-20
Updated: 2001-06-20
Packaged: 2017-10-03 05:35:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakana17/pseuds/Keiko%20Kirin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one with the buried stargate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Steak and Separation

**Author's Note:**

> Zillions of thanks to Merry for beta reading and helping me smooth out the rough spots. Very special thanks to Margie for help with stargate mechanics. Ongoing thanks to J and K for support and Stargate ramblings.

Bright early afternoon sunlight streamed through the bedroom window. Jack blinked and squinted at it, emerging from sleep. He was lying on his side, precariously close to the edge of the bed, partially covered by the sheet, Daniel's arm draped over his waist. Jack slid back to press against Daniel's body, tugging Daniel's arm a little further around him. There. Now he was warm, under his own personal Daniel blanket.

A blanket that sleepily sighed, held him closer, and kissed his shoulder. And -- _jeez_ \-- pushed his boner against Jack's ass.

"Daniel."

Daniel kissed Jack's ear and rubbed his unshaven chin against the curve of Jack's neck, causing a nice, gentle burn. "I can't help it," he murmured.

Jack slid his hand over Daniel's and laced their fingers together. He glanced at the clock.

Daniel planted a warm, perfect kiss on the nape of his neck. "I know," he said. "It's late."

Jack rolled onto his back. "Very." He rubbed the short hairs on the back of Daniel's neck and admired the sleepy-horny Daniel look. It was a nice thing to wake up to. He kissed Daniel softly and slowly, until it turned into not-so-softly, and then their bodies were pressed together, moving together, peaking and subsiding together, and now it was even later.

No time for laziness in bed, as tempting as it was. Jack fixed coffee while Daniel showered and dressed. Quick good-byes in the kitchen before Daniel was out the door.

Jack stepped into his bathtub, which was still warm, and wet, and faintly steamy. Adjusted the shower while he polished off his coffee. Said good-bye to the last of this all-too-brief interval and got ready to face whatever was waiting for him inside the mountain and light years beyond.

\-----

When they stepped through the stargate, it rumbled. Jack looked at Carter and tapped his fingers on his P-90.

"Seismic activity within expected parameters, sir," Carter said, checking the MALP.

Jack nodded and looked around at the bleak, dry landscape. It was rocky and dusty, dotted with clumps of scrub brush. No signs of civilization except that thing over there, the thing Daniel was already walking toward, like a moth to a flame.

Ouch. Bad example. No, like a... Like an archaeologist to an obelisk. An obelisk inscribed in Goa'uld.

Jack headed after him. No snakeheads in sight, but you could never be too careful. Teal'c seemed to be having the same thoughts. He caught up with Jack and scanned the area as they walked.

Daniel stopped, unshouldered his backpack, and crouched down to futz with something in it. Jack passed him and walked ahead, nearing the obelisk. Teal'c wandered off to check the bushes. Carter was back by the DHD, fine-tuning the MALP.

And everything was fine for a minute or two, until the planet underneath them roared and collapsed and opened wide.

When the rumbling stopped, Jack was, amazingly, still standing. He looked around and got his bearings. There was Teal'c, standing, nodding once to show that he was okay. And... where was Daniel? Jack took a few steps in the direction of the stargate until he saw Daniel, sprawled face down on the ground, a huge crack in the earth gaping behind him.

"Teal'c!" Jack called as he jogged back.

He didn't get very far. The ground shook and crashed again, and now he was down, too, coughing up dirt and dust. He looked up and saw Teal'c picking up Daniel, slinging him over his shoulders.

"Sir!" Carter's voice, faint across the distance.

Jack picked himself up and frowned. Even from here, he could see it: the DHD was sliding into the ground. He started running.

"Hurry!" he shouted at them. Teal'c ran, Daniel's limp body flopping over his shoulders. Good old Carter had already started dialing. The wormhole wooshed out, and he saw Carter and the MALP go through. Teal'c and Daniel were nearly there. And he was so close, all he had to do was skirt the gap that had nearly swallowed Daniel, and he'd be right there on Teal'c's heels.

Skirted it. Right there. So close.

The ground under him disappeared. Thunder and dust filled the air.

\-----

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep...

Oh, he knew that sound. This was not going to be good.

Daniel kept his eyes closed for a while longer, listening. The beeping of the heart monitor. Voices murmuring. The hum of... something. Other equipment, or maybe it was the fluorescent lights.

Slender, petite, cold fingers held his wrist, then touched under his jaw. He slowly lifted his eyelids and focused on the blurry Doctor Fraiser standing over him. He couldn't tell if she smiled at him or not.

He closed his eyes again and made the connections backward. Infirmary, returned, injured, planet. Yes. He fell on the planet. He remembered now. Falling as the ground fell away, scrambling to hold onto something solid, but it kept crumbling in his hands, and he dropped as the earth dropped.

Okay. He fell on the planet and was injured. Bad enough to not remember coming back. So, how bad? He bent one knee. He bent the other. He wiggled his toes. He wiggled his fingers. He opened his eyes again, and Janet was still standing there.

"You hit your head. Mild concussion. No internal injuries, but you have some nasty bruises."

He tried to nod, but his face felt a little strange. "Funny. I don't have a headache."

Janet smiled soothingly. "Oh, you will, don't worry."

He closed his eyes again, and could feel sleep reaching for him. Probably a sedative-induced sleep, but no matter, it felt good just the same. Only one thing held him back. Ah, no. Three things.

"The others? Jack? Sam? Teal'c?"

A long pause. He wanted to open his eyes and sit up and find out what was going on, but sleep had a hold on him already. Was cradling him, rocking him, and he drifted away with it, Janet's words following him: "Teal'c and Major Carter are fine."

\-----

"Seventh chevron..." Sergeant Davis's voice softened. "...will not engage."

Sam looked away from the dialing computer. "Dammit," she said under her breath. She stood up and rested her hands on her hips, staring at the stargate in the gateroom below.

"Major, should I try again?" Davis asked. "We have forty minutes before SG-3 are due back."

Sam worked the kink out of her neck. "Yes, go ahead, Sergeant. We have to keep trying--"

"Sam?"

She turned around as Daniel hurried in, sporting an ugly bruise on his forehead and a few small cuts on his nose and chin. Teal'c followed close behind him. The grave look on Teal'c's face told her that Daniel had left the infirmary too soon. Against Janet's orders, no doubt. But Daniel's confused, concerned scan of the gateroom below said it all. And Janet must have accepted long ago that wild horses couldn't keep SG-1 apart when one of their own was in trouble.

"How are you feeling?" she asked him.

"Just a headache. It's nothing." He shrugged it off. "What's happening? Has General Hammond sent a rescue team yet?"

Sam stared at him for a moment, and glanced at Teal'c.

"Daniel Jackson left the infirmary before I could tell him," Teal'c said.

Daniel frowned and looked from Teal'c to Sam. "Tell me what?"

"Daniel--"

She was cut off by Sergeant Davis's, "Major." She looked down and he shook his head. She nodded briefly at him. "Keep trying."

She touched Daniel's arm and led him aside. Teal'c joined them.

"We can't establish a wormhole to P2R-853. We think the stargate..." She paused and took a deep breath, because she hated saying it, had hated saying it to General Hammond, as if saying it made it true. "We think the stargate might have been buried, or destroyed."

Daniel stared at her. Slowly, he moved his gaze to the window facing the gateroom. He watched it for a moment, silent. Sam looked at Teal'c, who returned her look.

"So," said Daniel quietly. "What do we do?"

"Major Carter?"

Sam turned around at the sound of General Hammond's voice. "Yes, sir?"

General Hammond, face grave, stood behind Davis's chair and watched him dial. After the seventh chevron failed to engage, the general looked at Sam. _Not yet_, she thought. _It's too early. We can't give up yet_.

"Keep me posted on your progress, Major," he said quietly, and started to leave.

"That's it?" said Daniel, hurrying to catch up with him. The general stopped at the foot of the spiral staircase. "We have to do something." Daniel stood in front of him, blocking his way.

General Hammond gave Daniel a long look. Sam held her breath.

"I've already sent word to the Tok'ra, the Nox, and the Tollan, son," the general said, his voice kind.

Sam exhaled, and saw Daniel relax. He gave a short nod and moved out of the way. The general climbed the stairs. Daniel watched Sergeant Davis dial again before looking over at Sam. Jaw set, his eyes intense with that spark of determination she knew well.

_We won't give up. We'll do everything we can_, she thought. _I just hope it's enough_.

\-----

At least on Edora, he hadn't been alone. On the other hand, on Edora, the gate had been completely buried. Here, on lovely little P2R-853, that was not the case. Part of the gate curved gracefully out of the dirt, and Jack could see most of one chevron. That had to count for something.

After he had recovered from that last fall -- the one that sent him falling hard into a brand new ditch about eight feet deep -- he had climbed back up, and found... nothing. An utterly scary nothing. No DHD. No stargate.

No fucking stargate.

_Not again_, he'd thought.

Then the earth had shaken some more. It did that a lot here, as Jack was discovering. The earth had shaken some more, and that one chevron now peeked out from the ground. From what Jack could tell, the gate was still perpendicular, and had just slid into the crevice which opened beneath it, and was sealed in after the shaking stopped.

There was no sign of the DHD at all. It had already been sinking when Carter, Teal'c, and Daniel had escaped home. Jack supposed that whopper of an earthquake which had buried the stargate had completely obliterated the DHD. So. Even if the gate was still standing and available, he couldn't have dialed out. Which was no consolation whatsoever.

Because if the gate had still been standing, SGC could have dialed in, sent a rescue team, and sent a power source so they could dial the gate manually. Carter knew about the sinking DHD. She would have done the math, presented the solution. He could just picture Carter, Daniel, and Teal'c standing over the poor technician on duty and making him dial and re-dial until Hammond told them to stop.

And Hammond would, he knew. It was only sensible. They had other teams to send out, other teams to come home. They couldn't put all that on hold to keep fruitlessly dialing P2R-853 for one lost colonel. Not even one lost Colonel O'Neill.

So. Options.

Their allies could send a ship. Yeah, right. Like that was going to happen. Thor was too busy saving his own galaxy. The Nox apparently didn't 'do' spaceships. The Tollan were snooty and self-absorbed, and although Jack was grateful for what they did for Skaara, he was never going to warm to them. He could just imagine their offhand excuse for not sending a ship.

Then there was the Tok'ra. Jacob might do it. He'd saved Jack and Teal'c from suffocating in space several months back, and what was one more rescue between friends? Thing was, Jacob shared his body with Selmac, who was Tok'ra through and through, and the Tok'ra had their own pesky priorities, like, oh, infiltrating the Goa'uld and sabotaging their military bases and mining operations. Priorities that ranked above saving Jack O'Neill's butt. Again.

He put Jacob on a "maybe" list.

That left option two: digging the stargate out, and hoping that SGC wouldn't give up dialing P2R-853 altogether. He had to go with that hope. Now all he had to do was dig the damn stargate out.

But first, he took stock of his situation. Despite the drop into the brand new ditch, he was relatively unscathed. Some bruises, some small cuts that had already stopped bleeding, and an annoying bite on his tongue. Other than that, he felt fine.

He had all his gear, so he had rations. Not a lot, but he could eke it out and make do. He could stand to drop a few pounds, anyway. Red meat and beer wasn't exactly the Slimfast diet. The water ration was a little more worrying, especially since there weren't any obvious bodies of water around -- although those bushes had to have something to grow on, didn't they? Who knew, with alien plants? Well, if it came to it, there was always the ever-popular drinking your own piss to survive solution, and if he could handle it in Iraq, he could handle it here. Still, the appropriate word would be 'yuck.'

And he had his P-90, sidearm, ammo, and knife. Just in case someone nasty showed up. Though right now, he'd almost welcome them, as long as they could dig.

The first day, after assessing the situation, he'd had a burst of energy and started digging with his hands, scooping dirt away from the gate and packing it to one side. It didn't go so badly, but it was slow. Hours later, when he quit for the night, he wasn't even to another chevron.

Jack sat near the gate and ate a tiny meal that staved off starvation without actually curing hunger. The ground underneath him periodically rocked and grumbled, but no more big quakes. He had a faint, third option hope, that there would be another whopper which would unbury the stargate. But he didn't wish for it, because who knew what would happen to _him_ if there was another whopper and he was at ground zero?

After dinner, he stretched out on the ground and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep, exhausted.

Millions of light years away, across the galaxy, it was morning.

Deep inside Cheyenne Mountain, SGC was busy. Teal'c walked down the corridor with his hands clasped behind his back, passing many personnel. He noted that some of them looked at him sympathetically, or questioningly, as if about to ask about O'Neill. They did not, however, and Teal'c was relieved, because he had nothing to tell them.

As Teal'c had expected, Daniel Jackson was still in his office. When Teal'c entered, Daniel Jackson was holding up a blue stone in one hand and writing something down with the other. Teal'c waited patiently next to Daniel Jackson's desk.

Daniel Jackson set down the stone and looked up. "Any word from the Tok'ra?"

"Not yet, Daniel Jackson." He paused and looked at Daniel Jackson carefully. "Should you not be at home, or in the infirmary, resting?"

Daniel Jackson turned away and continued his writing. "Did Doctor Fraiser send you?"

"Doctor Fraiser's opinion on this matter matched my own."

He waited. Daniel Jackson kept writing and said nothing. Teal'c sat down in a chair across the desk from Daniel Jackson. He watched Daniel Jackson's quick, neat writing. He also noted the lines of worry and weariness which marked Daniel Jackson's face.

"I do not believe O'Neill is dead," Teal'c said after a while.

Daniel Jackson stopped writing and stared at him. He frowned at first, then relaxed a little. He turned his pencil over in his fingers.

"I don't, either." Daniel Jackson paused. "I don't know why, I just feel it."

Teal'c inclined his head. "As do I."

Daniel Jackson gave him a warm look. "Thanks, Teal'c," he said quietly.

Teal'c bowed his head again. He stood up. Daniel Jackson returned to his writing.

"If you will not go home to rest, I will be forced to report this to Doctor Fraiser," Teal'c informed him before leaving the office.

Daniel put down his pencil, sat back, and rubbed his eyes under his glasses. His head was pounding again. Maybe Janet was right. He needed rest. It was unlikely that the Tok'ra would send someone so soon.

He closed up his office, changed, and left the mountain on auto-pilot. Going through the motions. The ache in his head was an easy distraction. So was that little spot on his tongue where he'd bitten it, probably when he fell.

He entered his apartment, leafing through the day's mail. And then it struck him, again, like an unexpected wave. He stopped next to the sofa. He stared out at the balcony, at the darkening sky.

"He's not dead," Daniel said to the empty room. He knew it, utterly and completely. Saying it aloud didn't make it true, it just affirmed what he already knew.

The wave receded a little. Daniel sat down, took off his shoes and jacket, and opened his electric bill. When exhaustion caught up with him, he curled up on the sofa, took his glasses off, and fell asleep.

Across town, inside the mountain, General Hammond sat at his desk and stared at the file folder before him. He'd read its contents through once, and couldn't remember a damn thing about them. Briefing with SG-7 in an hour. He would have to skim through the major points again.

It was too soon. Too soon to be going through this again. And this was worse than last time. No wormhole this time. If he went by the book, they were looking at a very short timetable for some miracle to happen.

Miracle, hell. It was all down to Colonel O'Neill.

If O'Neill was still alive, and able.

Hammond would bend the book, let SG-1 do what they could, see what their allies had to say, and trust O'Neill to find some way to pull his nuts out of the fire, again.

But it was still a damn short timetable before he had to make the decisions that came with those two stars. Damn short.

Hammond opened the file folder and pulled out the first report.

Across the galaxy, it was the middle of a hot, dusty morning.

Jack had unloaded his P-90 and was using it as a makeshift shovel. It didn't work real well, but it was easier on the hands. His fingerless gloves were already shredded from yesterday's digging.

He had two chevrons now.

Jack set his 'shovel' down, sat back, and stretched. The sun for this planet was high. Time for a break. He got up and took a short walk over to the bushes, wishing they were tall enough to provide some shadow. Then he wandered over gently shaking ground to the obelisk. As long as he was here, he might as well get a good look at the damn thing.

It was a dull, reddish stone, but had once been painted gold. There were still patches and flakes of gold stuck to the surface. It was about a foot or two taller than him, and came to a point. Goa'uld markings covered all four sides.

Jack touched the stone, checking for hidden levers or traps, to see if it did anything. It just sat there. Daniel had been certain it was important, although he couldn't say why until he'd seen it up-close.

Jack made a circuit around the obelisk, didn't find anything promising, and went back to digging. The sun rose higher, and the air became hotter. When the sun was directly overhead, he decided he needed another break. He could nap now and get more done later, when it was cooler.

He stretched out on the ground, which rumbled beneath him, like riding on a slow moving train, shielded most of his face with his cap, and fell asleep.

\-----

Sam watched the dialing computer tell her what she already knew. She sighed and slid her chair back from the desk, running a hand through her hair.

Behind her, Daniel said, "General Hammond just got a reply from the Tollan."

Sam turned around. The look on Daniel's face confirmed the Tollans' answer. "They don't have a ship fast enough," she said.

"They said they could reach the planet in a month or so." Daniel paused and tapped his pen against the file folder he was carrying. "The Tok'ra will be here in a couple of hours. Do you want to get some coffee?"

Sam almost said no. She was tired, and frustrated, and wanted to find the answer, dammit -- that's what she did, what she was there for. But she looked at Daniel, saw the lines on his brow and under his eyes, saw the way he tapped the folder, the way he stood.

"Sure," she said, standing up.

She didn't feel sorry for him, she felt sorry for all of them. They were all running around in mental and emotional circles, looking for the answer, trying not to think about the unthinkable yet preparing for it all the same. Hoping for a worst case scenario like Edora: three months, but they got the colonel back.

Except this was already worse than Edora.

The commissary was mostly empty. She and Daniel sat down at one of the tables in the back and clutched their mugs of coffee.

"What're you working on?" she asked, nodding at the file folder.

Daniel opened it and showed her some grainy, blurry MALP photos. "It's the obelisk on P2R-853. I went back to the MALP transmissions. It's not much, but I thought if there was some clue, something there... Maybe it will mention a second stargate on the planet..."

Sam stared at him, silent. He knew it was pointless. Even if he found what he was looking for, there was no way to communicate the information to Colonel O'Neill.

She took a drink of coffee. Daniel needed to find a solution, just like she needed to find a solution. It was what they did, what they were there for.

\-----

Daniel sat back and glared at Aldwyn. How could he sit there, so cool and unconcerned? What if it was Selmac who was trapped, or another Tok'ra operative? Would he be so offhandedly insincere with his apologies?

Aldwyn looked at him steadily. Daniel glanced down at his folder and frowned. Aldwyn was as sincere as he could be. Tok'ra operatives were stranded, caught, and lost practically every day. Aldwyn had gone through this more times than any of them knew. His sympathy was of the type: _I'm sorry you have to go through what I have had to_.

"There's no chance of your ships returning earlier than planned?" General Hammond asked.

Aldwyn shook his head. "No. The ones not being used for the relocation are on missions deep in the System Lords' territories. It would be too risky to call them away, and would jeopardize too many operations."

General Hammond nodded, serious. "I understand."

"Aldwyn," said Sam. "Does Selmac know about this? He and my father were willing to leave a mission to save Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c just a few months ago."

Aldwyn bowed his head and looked uncomfortable. "Actually, Major Carter, it's because of that incident that Selmac made it quite clear he would not leave his current mission until it was complete. The cost of leaving that assignment was very great."

Sam exchanged a look with Daniel. "And my father agrees?"

Aldwyn looked at her. "Yes."

Sam sat back and looked down at her hands. Daniel touched a tooth to that sore spot on his tongue and hoped the headache he felt coming on was just too much caffeine.

"All right," said General Hammond. "We appreciate that you met with us, and send our thanks to the Tok'ra council for considering our request." He stood up, and everyone else around the table rose.

Aldwyn bowed his head. "I'm truly sorry, General."

As soon as Aldwyn was gone, and the general dismissed the meeting, Daniel headed straight for his office. He downed some Tylenol and opened the file folder. The enlarged photos were pixelated and blurry. Difficult to make out individual symbols. They really should have sent the MALP closer. But, no, at the time, Daniel had been so excited by the obelisk, he had insisted on seeing it himself. He always had to see for himself, no matter what the risk.

Okay. This was thinking that got him nowhere. If the risk had been too great, the mission wouldn't have been approved. They did what they always did. Got enough readings to get a sense of the danger, and went on ahead.

Daniel shut the folder and rested his head in his hands. Jack was alive. He knew this, somehow, some way. They couldn't send a ship. Jack would expect this. He was always skeptical of their allies, didn't like to rely on them. If Jack weren't injured, he would be... what? Looking for a way off the planet. That meant the stargate. If the stargate wasn't destroyed, it was buried. Jack would be trying to find it, to dig it up.

Daniel remembered the old photographs Catherine had showed him of her father's excavation of the gate in the 1920s. How many men had it taken? And they had equipment and supplies. All Jack had was his will to live -- or, rather, his will not to die alone on some godforsaken planet without even a decent burial -- and his stubbornness.

Daniel propped his chin on his fist and smiled a little. He'd take those odds.

\-----

Digging was boring. Jack reached this conclusion quickly. Boring and exhausting.

But the good news was that he was making progress. Slowly, but surely. It helped that the ground was so dry and unstable. It crumbled away easily. The hardest part was getting it to stay packed and out of the way, so it wouldn't slide down and bury the gate again.

It cooled off some as the sun sank lower. Jack sat on the ground, scooping dirt away. Over and over again. His mind wandered. Took a nice long stroll into Daniel-Land.

First stop was Daniel explaining something. Didn't matter what. Brilliance, a stern little frown that meant it was all very serious, and hand gestures. Throw in a computer slideshow to make the picture complete.

Next stop was Daniel not explaining something. The quiet, at-work, do-not-disturb Daniel. Half-hidden behind books. Ignoring the interruption. Writing or reading or staring intently at some inanimate object.

And last stop was Daniel at home, which covered a lot of territory. Leaning against the balcony railing and smiling at a bad joke. Explaining something, dressed only in his underwear. Sitting on the sofa, bare feet propped on the coffee table, using Jack as a backrest, and reading some mind-numblingly boring journal. Naked, in bed, typing on his laptop. Naked, in bed. That very odd, weirdly attractive look he got just before he came. His touch, his smell, his voice, his taste.

A lot of territory, and Jack let his mind wander aimlessly and lazily through it. So much of it still so new. Slight dangers lurking on the fringes, but nothing very scary. Road and terrain maps incomplete, and no "you are here" signs to speak of, but all of it on solid, unshaking ground.

Unlike this place. Jack kept digging, rubbed the sore spot on his tongue against a tooth, and thought about Daniel.

\-----

It was a favor for a friend, that's all. He would have done it for Sam, for anybody.

Daniel turned the key, opened the door, and let himself into Jack's house. He brought the accumulated newspapers and mail inside and set them neatly on the dining table. He filled a glass from the tap and went to water the plant hanging next to the front door. Replaced the glass, double-checked that the oven wasn't on or anything. Stood in the dining room and folded his arms over his chest, and looked at the yard outside.

Now here was where the favor for a friend theory began to fall apart. A favor for a friend would have ended here, and he would have gone home. Instead, he was standing in Jack's house and feeling the complete lack of Jack in it.

It was like one of those "possessed house" stories, only in reverse. An unpossessed house. Empty and silent and waiting for its spirit.

He moved to the living room, shifted a pillow from one end of the couch to the other, and stared out the windows some more. Then he moved to the hallway, walked past the front door, and made his way to the bedroom.

Favor for a friend was officially shot to hell.

Jack's bedroom was a little spartan. A low, wide dresser, the bed, bedside table on either side, matching lamps, the closet, and a TV on top of the dresser. Everything was chillingly neat at first glance.

At second glance, the chill was gone. Jack's familiar comforter, familiarly wrinkled in places. Jack's special occasion wristwatch on top of the dresser. Next to it, a round silver box Daniel had always been curious about.

Feeling slightly guilty, he lifted the lid. Inside was a plain wedding band, an extra set of car keys, and an old, used matchbook with one match left. Not even from some intriguing place, just a generic one that advertised Camel cigarettes.

Well, okay. If you snoop where you're not supposed to, disappointment is one of the risks. He replaced the lid and looked at the closet door. He'd seen inside the closet before -- seen Jack's neat array of clothes hanging above a pit of random junk and shoes. The upper half of the closet was all military; the lower half, all Jack.

Going through dresser drawers would be beyond snooping. Besides, he was pretty sure it was all socks, underwear, t-shirts, and more random junk. The bedside tables, however... Jack had plundered Daniel's bedside table easily enough, apparently with few moral qualms. Daniel felt a sense of fair play.

But when he started to open one, he stopped, and pushed it back in. He wasn't looking for anything. What Daniel wanted to be here was the one thing he was guaranteed not to find here.

Daniel sat down on the bed and smoothed his hand over the comforter. He took off his shoes and sat back, leaning against the headboard. On the far bedside table, the one on Jack's side of the bed, was the TV remote. He picked it up, switched on the set, and watched CNN for a while, until the stories recycled.

An unpossessed house. No smiles, no silences of strength and understanding, no brief and confident touches. No silly jokes, no warm looks to drown in, no startling passion to hold on to.

No Jack.

He switched off the TV, replaced the remote, put on his shoes, and left.

\-----

Three chevrons. Four days. Jack didn't like the math. His water and rations were low. The home stretch was going to be lean and mean.

Assuming it was the home stretch. Assuming SGC would continue trying to dial 853.

He assumed. The alternative was one he wasn't ready to face yet.

It was afternoon. Time for a siesta. Jack stretched out on the ground, not far from the stargate, rested his head on his bunched-up jacket, and fell asleep.

He was having that strange dream -- the one where something goes wrong with the stargate and he's trapped in the wormhole, falling forever in space -- when something woke him up. He blinked his eyes open.

There it was again. Raindrops.

He sat up and looked at the sky, which was growing darker, black. Going by Earth weather signs, it was going to be a bad one. Jack put on his jacket, got out his rain gear, and went back to digging.

The sky opened up and dumped water over everything. And didn't let up. Water ran down his face and arms and neck, into his clothes. It washed the exposed arc of the gate, and turned the mounds of displaced dirt into mudslides.

He dug for hours in the mud and rain. His fingers got so cold they cramped up. Water began to pool around him. His rain gear gave little protection, and he was soaked.

It rained harder. Dirt that he had packed on one side collapsed and mud rushed back into the depression he'd cleared in front of the stargate, covering one chevron. Jack scrambled back, before he got trapped. He stared grimly at the mud pouring around the gate, calculating yet again what rations he had left.

Nothing he could do about it until it stopped raining. He went over to the obelisk and sat down at its base, leaning against it for what little shelter it gave. He draped his rain gear around him as much as he could and closed his eyes. He was cold. Too fucking cold. Where was that Daniel blanket when you needed it? Eventually he got used to the rhythm of the rain, and slept.

He dreamed about Daniel. He dreamed that they were back in that monastery place on Kheb, alone, and Daniel took off all his clothes, and Jack said, "Should you really be doing that here?" and Daniel lit candles with his mind. And then they were somewhere else, somewhere wet, like a pool or a lake, and it was warm, or it was just Daniel who was warm. They were naked together, and moving. Swimming, maybe, or making out.

When he woke up in the morning, the whole place was a mud field. The mud had buried half of another chevron. It wouldn't stop raining. On the plus side, Jack was no longer thirsty. On the minus side, he was about to run out of rations, and he couldn't go back to digging until the rain stopped. Every attempt to dig now caused another mud slide.

Jack went exploring. Better to walk around than sit there and watch the stargate sink further under mud. The landscape didn't change: flat, rocky, muddy, marred by earthquake damage, dotted with bushes.

He crouched by a bush, pulled it out by the root, and took out his knife. He sliced off part of the root and tasted it. Bitter, acidic. He tried eating it. His mouth burned. He couldn't even swallow it.

He walked back to the obelisk and stood in the rain, watching the mud flow.

Dammit, he wasn't ready for this.

Too many light years away, evening was enveloping the western hemisphere of a small planet.

_The way... The way is..._ What?

Daniel rubbed the sore spot on his tongue against a tooth. 'The way' might refer to the stargate, travelling through the stargate. The next symbol he couldn't figure out. The photo enlargements were still too blurry, even after he got the enhancements he requested.

_The way is..._

The way is fucked.

Jack was alive. Daniel was still certain of that. But they were running out of time. General Hammond hadn't ordered Sam to stop dialing 853 yet, but one day he would, and declare Jack MIA. They'd been through all of this before.

Daniel tapped his pen on the desk. He wasn't finding the solutions he needed to find.

_The way is..._

The way is an unpossessed house, empty and always waiting.

Daniel stared at the far wall of his office and toyed with his pen. He wasn't ready for this and he had to be. _Had_ to be.

One of his justifications had always been: they could die tomorrow, so they should hold on to everything they could while it lasted. And here it was. One big, fat justification staring him in the face.

And it wasn't enough. Holding on to everything he could wasn't enough.

So. Invalid justification?

He thought about that for a long time.

"Daniel Jackson." Teal'c's voice was quiet, respectful in case Daniel sent him away.

Daniel looked up. "It's okay. I was just thinking."

Teal'c inclined his head and sat down. Daniel slid the photo enlargements across the desk.

"Maybe you can help me with these. I got this far." Daniel pointed with his pen. "Can't make out the next symbol."

Teal'c studied one photo carefully. "'The way is closed'," he said.

"'The way is closed'? Are you sure?"

"Yes." Teal'c paused and looked at him steadily. "Daniel Jackson. The symbols on this object are unlikely to help O'Neill."

Daniel frowned and reached for the photos. "Yes, I know. I... I just..." he trailed off.

"O'Neill is very strong."

Daniel met Teal'c's gaze, waiting for him to continue, but Teal'c didn't say anything.

"Even strong men..." _Die_. "... are put in impossible situations," Daniel said.

Teal'c raised one eyebrow very slightly. "From what I have observed, you and O'Neill and Major Carter frequently make impossible situations possible."

Daniel started to reply and stopped. It occurred to him that he hadn't asked Teal'c to come by his office. Teal'c was checking up on him.

Daniel glanced down at the photos, then back at Teal'c. "Yes, we do. Thanks."

"You are welcome."

Daniel picked up his pen and one of the photos. "I'll be fine," he said.

Teal'c stood up and bowed his head. "Yes, Daniel Jackson," he said quietly.

\-----

The bushes were good for nothing. Unless Jack learned how to weave them together, he wasn't going to be able to use them for anything: as a shovel, for food, for shelter.

He went exploring again, looking for other kinds of bushes, flat rocks, and animals. How could there be no animals on this planet? He walked all day, the rain beating on him, wearing him down. Found nothing. He trudged back to the obelisk, sank down in front of it, and went to sleep.

The next morning, the rain was lighter. The ground rumbled beneath him. He got up and went to find the stargate.

Which was curving out of the ground with four chevrons exposed. _Four_.

Jack ran across the mud field. The rain had caused a giant mudslide away from the gate. Streams of mud flowed away in a slow course. Jack stared at it, not believing his eyes. Then he climbed down and starting kicking and scooping the rest of the mud away from the gate.

He didn't get it all, but he got most of it. The inner circle was uncovered, and six chevrons. That had to be enough. He climbed out and lay down on a patch of mud, exhausted.

_Okay, SGC. Dial_.

\-----

Sam knew every symbol by heart. She knew this combination by heart. She hated it.

She watched the second symbol lock into place on the dialing computer. Sergeant Davis knew she saw it, but told her anyway: "Second chevron engaged."

Movement on the stairs caught her attention. Teal'c climbed down, followed by General Hammond. Sam stood up and braced herself. The general looked at her, about to speak, then looked at the computer dialing out.

"Third chevron engaged."

"Major," said General Hammond. "When you've finished with this, I'd like to see you in my office."

Sam swallowed. "Yes, sir."

"Fourth chevron engaged."

Sam's eyes met Teal'c's. The look there... She hadn't seen that look in a while. Not since Shau'nac's death. Sam bit the inside of her lip.

"Fifth chevron engaged."

General Hammond slowly turned to leave, his gaze lingering on the dialing computer, then moving to the stargate in the room below. She watched him. Not easy for him, either. She knew that. She couldn't resent him for the order. Could only resent their failure.

"Sixth chevron engaged."

Daniel. Where was Daniel? Had he been told with Teal'c? She hoped so. Not her. Don't let it be her to tell him, she thought. Then regretted the thought immediately. General Hammond climbed the stairs. She watched his shoes take heavy steps and disappear.

"Seventh chevron... locked."

Sam's breath caught. She spun around and Sergeant Davis was facing her, face lit with excitement. "Locked," he said, louder, and nearly whooped, "Seventh chevron locked!"

"Teal'c," she said, sliding into place at the MALP control keyboard.

"Yes, Major Carter." Teal'c was already climbing the stairs.

_Get Daniel, too_, she thought, knowing he would.

She blinked rapidly as the MALP rolled up the platform. Her heart was beating a mile a minute. As the MALP neared the gate, she took a deep breath. This didn't have to be good news. This could mean anything.

The MALP rolled into the wormhole and she and Sergeant Davis silently counted down the seconds together, eyes locked to the computer screen. Someone moved into her peripheral vision. General Hammond. Just as they received MALP telemetry, the hurried clatter on the spiral staircase was Daniel. Slower, measured steps. Teal'c.

The picture stabilized, came into focus. Brown. Dirt. It oozed. Mud. Mud?

Sam directed the MALP's camera from side to side. Yes, mud. Daniel leaned over her shoulder, frowning at the screen.

She rolled the MALP forward a few feet. Mud. And--

Sam grinned. And a hand, waving. The camera followed it, and there he was. Skidding down a bank of mud, thoroughly muddy himself, alive. Frantically waving at them and pulling his rain gear off his head.

"Get me the hell out of here!" he said. And then he...

Yes, Colonel O'Neill kissed the MALP.

\-----

Home again, home again, jiggedy jig. There's no place like home. Home, home, home. Earth, Earth, Earth. Wonderful little blue planet just south of Mars, do you know it? Take a right at Albuquerque and you can't miss it.

Hell. What drugs did Fraiser have him on this time?

"Doc," Jack said. Waited two seconds. "Doc!"

Doctor Fraiser drifted into view, hands on hips, lips pursed. "You can yell all you want to, Colonel, but you're not going anywhere."

He narrowed his eyes at her. She folded her arms over her chest, unimpressed. He gave up and turned away. And there was--

"Hey, Teal'c."

Teal'c bowed and smiled. "O'Neill. You are better."

"Yes, I am," Jack said, shooting Fraiser a dark look. "Hey, nice manual dialing there, Teal'c. You're getting good at it. We could have races. Race the Asgard." God, what drugs was he on?

Carter and Daniel came into the infirmary and stood next to Teal'c. Sam smiled her wonderful, happy smile. Put that on cereal boxes and you could make a fortune.

"How are you feeling, Colonel?"

He thought this over carefully. "A little hungry, actually," he said.

"Jack."

Okay, yeah, that was the face you wanted to greet you after coming too close for comfort on some rotten, stinking, mud-infested planet: Daniel's what-drugs-are-you-on look: furrowed brow and parted lips. _Real attractive there, kiddo_.

"Daniel."

Daniel shut his mouth and looked a little less psycho. Looked a little more relieved to see Jack alive.

"That obelisk of yours was a piece of crap, by the way. Didn't even keep the rain off."

Daniel's relief was tinged with annoyance, and something else Jack couldn't decipher. Jack smiled. Ah, good to be home.

Feeling braver, he rolled onto his back and faced Fraiser again. He pulled himself up into a sitting position and drummed the mattress with his fingers.

"When can I get outta here, Doc?"

She started to give him that despotic little dictator look, but it faltered when she smiled. Ha. _Nearly had me there, Doc_.

"Just overnight, Colonel. So I can make sure you rest and eat what I tell you to eat. And then I believe," she said, adjusting a pillow for him, "General Hammond will be authorizing some recuperative leave."

Overnight?! He leaned back. Okay, yeah, he couldn't complain. He was getting off way too easy. And even infirmary food sounded good right now.

"Good to have you back, Colonel," Carter said, trying to hold back her cheerfulness, as if she could. He smiled back at her.

Teal'c inclined his head, smiled a little. For him, that was the equivalent of a high-five. He and Carter started to leave, and Fraiser moved off to do some doctorly stuff. Daniel stood beside the foot of the bed, arms folded over his chest.

Jack's eyes met his. They stared at each other for a moment. Jack relaxed and got comfortable. Daniel gave a little tilt-nod of his head, turned around without unfolding his arms, and slowly left the infirmary.

\-----

Daniel balanced the plastic bag he was carrying in one hand, his overnight bag secured in the crook of his elbow. He huddled closer to the house to stay out of the rain.

Jack answered the door on the third ring. He twitched one eyebrow at the plastic bag, curious, as he stood aside. He followed Daniel into the kitchen and took the overnight bag as Daniel set the plastic bag on the counter and pulled out two large styrofoam containers.

Daniel opened a couple of cabinets, looking for plates. Jack came back into the kitchen and peered into the empty plastic bag.

"Plates?" Daniel asked. Jack reached for the cabinet next to the one Daniel had open and retrieved two plates.

Daniel opened the styrofoam containers. "Steak," he said, watching Jack.

Jack set the plates down, looked into both containers, looked up at him. "O'Malley's?"

Daniel smiled at his surprise. "I convinced them to give me a take-out order. Special circumstances."

Jack arched an eyebrow. He handed Daniel a fork and a knife. "Special circumstances?"

"I told the hostess you were housebound. I had a feeling she would understand." Oh boy, had she. Daniel's suspicions about her crush on Jack had been definitively proven. For a minute, he had thought she would offer to deliver the steaks herself.

Jack dished a steak onto his plate. "Housebound?" He smiled at Daniel.

Daniel reached past Jack for the silverware drawer and snared a spoon. He spooned out mixed vegetables onto his plate. "Were you planning to go anywhere else?"

"No."

"Then, technically, you were housebound."

Jack took the spoon from his fingers, served his own side of vegetables, set it aside and looked at Daniel. Daniel looked at him, and felt a ridiculous quiver of nervousness. Jack touched his cheeks and kissed his forehead softly.

"Thanks."

Daniel shut his eyes for a moment. Could melt in that touch, wanted to. Forget the steaks, why were they eating? Why waste any more time? He took a deep breath and opened his eyes, and Jack was watching him, and he didn't know this look. He'd seen it before, but was never sure what it meant.

Of course they needed to eat. Jack needed to eat. Jack had nearly starved... dehydrated... alone...

"They'll get cold," Daniel said.

Jack smiled a little, let go, and picked up his plate.

They ate at the dining room table, and the steaks weren't as good as Jack's, but they were still good. The vegetables were a little soggy. Jack had beer and Daniel had water, because it was that bland beer he hated. He had to remember to bring the beer next time.

Jack continued to give him that look he couldn't quite explain. They didn't talk much. Daniel could see the rain steadily pouring outside through the window beyond Jack's chair.

After dinner, they cleared up. Jack filled the kitchen sink with hot water. Jack had a dishwasher. Daniel leaned against the counter next to him and stared at the kitchen floor, waiting.

Jack soaped up a plate with a sponge. Wiping it carefully, he said, "When the mud was sliding back in, burying it again, I thought about Carter."

Daniel stared at the back of his shoulder. "Oh."

The water slopped as Jack picked up the other plate. "I thought about... I knew how she'd look. What the look on her face would be when you finally... found me."

Daniel looked away, at the kitchen wall. After a moment he asked, "Why Sam?"

Jack let the water drain. "Because I couldn't... I didn't want to... It was easier."

Daniel looked at him and Jack turned around, leaned against the sink. Jack was frowning a little. He looked into Daniel's eyes, then glanced away.

Daniel reached out and took one of Jack's hands, held it palm upward. Still wet and warm from the hot water. Palm and fingers scored with innumerable tiny, healing cuts. Staring at Jack's palm, Daniel said, "I told myself all along that the risk was worth it, because we could lose it all so easily. Hold onto it." He paused, and touched Jack's palm with his fingers, followed its curves to Jack's wrist. "And this week, I figured out, that's not enough."

He looked up and Jack stared at him. Jack's fingers twitched a little. "Not enough?"

Daniel let go of Jack's hand and held up one finger, closing his eyes for a second, needing to keep the words exactly right. "Just... hear me out." He opened his eyes, didn't let Jack's look stop him, even though it probably should, but he had to say this.

"It's never enough," he said. "When I... When I lost Sha're, I wondered why I had never held on, kept it all while I had it. But you can't. It all goes away. It's all moments, and we can never keep them. That's why they're so important. If they could last forever, then we'd take them for granted."

Jack relaxed a little. He glanced down at the floor, then looked back up, and lifted his eyebrows. "Meaning of life stuff?"

Daniel half-smiled. Jack took Daniel's left hand in his, held it palm upward. He rubbed the center with his thumb. Then he patted it and let go, and brushed against Daniel as he moved away.

"Follow me," he said quietly.

Daniel followed him out of the kitchen. "Bed?" he asked.

"Yes."

They walked down the hallway.

"Sex?" he asked.

"Yes."

They entered the bedroom. Surrounded by quiet, evening rain, they undressed, facing each other. Slid into bed together. Held onto each other for a long, long time. No words, just holding on.

Just holding on, until they had to touch, had to kiss. Jack kissed Daniel's temple, and cheek, and jaw, and neck, and, oh, this was so good. Daniel tasted so good, felt so good. And it was so good when Daniel held his neck and gave him a long, deep, devouring kiss. The kind he couldn't get enough of, how could he get enough of that? It wasn't possible.

Daniel's fingers followed his back, brought warmth where they went, and brought that inner heat that rushed straight to his head, rushed straight to his dick. He filled Daniel's mouth with his tongue. Locked his arm around Daniel's waist and pressed against that wonderful heat and strength, and shuddered slowly when Daniel gripped his shoulder, fingers digging into his flesh.

Daniel shifted onto his back and pulled Jack along with him, over him. Their legs wove together. Jack lifted up on his elbows for a moment, to look at Daniel looking at him. Daniel, face flushed, lips red and full from kissing, eyes alive with warmth and anticipation and lust.

Jack smiled. Daniel smiled back, lazily. He moved his leg between Jack's, rubbing Jack's inner thighs. Slid his fingers across Jack's chest to pinch his nipples, causing about ten million wonderful sensations at once.

Jack bent his head to kiss Daniel's neck, to find that spot that made Daniel writhe when he touched it, when he licked it and sucked it. He feasted on it until Daniel's pinching and writhing became more urgent, then lifted up to watch Daniel's face as he wrapped his hand around Daniel's cock. Oh, yeah. Now that was a look to come home to.

And it felt so good. Daniel so hard, and full, and hot in his hand. All that lust and energy and strength all right there, thrusting when he stroked. It couldn't get any better than this, but it did, because Daniel snaked a hand between them and held Jack's cock and squeezed it, and oh god...

Jack rubbed and pulled harder, and so did Daniel, and oh god, they were doing this together. Why had they never done this together before? It was so sexy, so amazing, and Daniel was moaning, and squeezing him, and jerking him faster, and Jack was moaning, and thrusting, and jerking faster, and oh christ.

Daniel came. Hot and thick, shooting against Jack's fingers, and the feel of it slammed into Jack. He moved faster, fucked Daniel's hand until the sensations overloaded, exploded, shot him into a high.

He breathed. He opened his eyes and didn't remember closing them. He caressed the wonderful, melting, sticky heat that rested in his hand. He shivered when Daniel slid his hand, slow and tight, along the length of his cock before letting him go.

Why had they never done this before? Jack settled back against the bed. Daniel settled with him, in his arms, and they were wet and sticky and who cared? Daniel kissed his neck very softly, kept kissing it like that, so soft. Jack closed his eyes. Stroked Daniel's back and shoulders, and along one arm.

_It's all just moments. If they lasted forever, we'd take them for granted_, he thought, slipping into sleep.

Jack slept through the night and half the day. The rain stopped, started up again. The house was quiet, and possessed again.

Daniel let Jack sleep alone for a few hours in the morning while he showered, helped himself to some breakfast, and read Jack's newspaper. Then he went back to the bedroom, stripped out of his underwear, and sat on the bed and watched Jack sleep for a while. He felt drowsy, took off his glasses and set them carefully aside, and curled up next to Jack and napped.

When he woke up from the nap, Jack was naked and walking into the bedroom. His hair was wet, and his skin glistened, still damp. Jack came back to bed and settled comfortably against him, head on Daniel's shoulder, and Daniel rubbed his wet hair.

"Thanks for bringing my mail in," Jack said. "Though while you were at it, you could have paid my electric bill."

Daniel massaged the back of Jack's neck. "Oh I could, could've I?"

"Hey, I've seen your salary," Jack said. He slid up and kissed Daniel softly, slowly, until it became something more than soft and slow. Touches and kisses, heat and skin, everything that was Jack was here again, in his arms again. Such an incredible thing.

Jack sat up and fumbled for something on the far bedside table. When he turned around again, he handed Daniel the tube. _Mmmm, yes_.

Daniel turned it over in his fingers and lifted one eyebrow. "You went through my bag."

Jack kissed his ear, his neck, and his fingers glided along Daniel's thigh. "Uh-huh."

Daniel opened his thighs a little more, skin already burning. Jack's hand slid up and cupped his balls and started caressing his cock. Daniel tilted his head back, exposing more neck for Jack's kisses.

"Daniel," said Jack, lips brushing against his ear.

Daniel glanced over at him and blinked. There was that look again, the one he hadn't quite deciphered yet.

Jack looked down for a moment, then stared into his eyes, warm and intense and something else. A hesitation, a question.

"I want to," he said.

Want to? Daniel frowned and blinked again. Want to... oh. Oh my god. His pulse raced and he swallowed a breath. Want to. Okay. Yes. Yes, he wanted to, too. He hadn't planned, but... well, okay, he could do this. Wasn't sure he was ready, but on the other hand, oh god... oh god...

"Oh," he said. He swallowed again and handed the tube back to Jack and opened his legs wider. "Okay."

Jack's cheeks reddened. He kissed Daniel softly and handed the tube back again. "I meant me."

Meant--

"Oh." Daniel stared at him. Jack glanced down, glanced to one side, stared at the pillow next to Daniel's head.

"Are you--" Jack's quick look cut him off. Okay, stupid question. He set the tube aside and stroked Jack's hair, his cheek, his neck.

"Um, I don't know about this," Daniel said. "We never even..." He spread his fingers wide.

Jack arched an eyebrow and kissed his thumb. "I don't think it's a prerequisite."

"Um..."

"You know what I mean." Jack sighed and settled on his back. Daniel propped himself up on one elbow. He stroked Jack's chest, watched Jack's face, watched his eyes until they looked at him again.

"You know I want to," Daniel said quietly.

"I know." Jack took his hand and held his fingers, rubbing them with his thumb. "I guess we should've talked about this or something... It's just, I didn't know what the hell to say."

Daniel watched him, watched their fingers together, looked into Jack's eyes. _It's all moments_.

He kissed Jack slowly, deeply. Jack held him closer, brought their bodies together, stroked Daniel's leg with his. Oh god, he wanted to, he wanted this, wanted Jack. Just thinking about it was driving him wild. Making him hard, making his blood burn.

Jack kissed him over and over, hungrily. Stopping only to whisper in Daniel's ear, "Let's do it." And his hand reached across the mattress, sought and found the tube, handed it to Daniel.

And Daniel was so turned on, wasn't even sure he could last, but even so. He'd never been scared like this in his life.

He turned the tube over in his fingers. Hesitated, aware of Jack watching him the entire time, and uncapped it. Covered his fingers. Set the tube aside.

Jack... christ. Jack opened his legs, drew one knee up. Daniel had to shut his eyes for a moment and take a deep, calming breath. His hand shook.

Okay, then. Daniel rested his hand between Jack's legs, barely touching. Afraid to touch... this was insane. How could he be afraid? And Jack had asked him to -- what the hell was he afraid of? So, he touched. Caressed and slipped his fingers further, and sought, and found. Careful, careful stroking. Oh god, such heat.

Jack hissed out a breath. His chest rose and fell, faster. The look on his face wasn't exactly inviting, but it wasn't forbidding, either. Daniel slipped his middle finger in... oh, ohgodheatfucktight... It was awkward. He slid his forefinger in. Rubbed. Oh, he was never going to last. This was unbelievable.

Jack closed his eyes. Breathed deeply. Daniel kissed where he could kiss, touched where he could touch, kept rubbing, wanting this so much.

Jack stayed still, not noticably aroused, and kept his eyes closed. Daniel bit his lip. _What are you thinking?_ How could he not know what Jack was thinking?

He kissed warm skin. "Jack," he said quietly. Waited. "We don't have to..."

The words melted in his throat because right then was when Jack opened for him, and his fingers slid deep, oh, this was indescribable.

Jack opened his eyes and exhaled a deep breath. He ran his hands, shaking, along Daniel's shoulders, trailed one hand along Daniel's arm, down to where Daniel's hand curved to fit his body. Daniel shuddered, desire and nerves all tangled up together.

"Okay?" Daniel asked, voice hoarse, quiet.

In response, Jack covered Daniel's hand and pressed it. Deeper. Daniel shook. He couldn't last, not if Jack did that again.

"Okay," Daniel said, sucking in a breath.

Jack watched him. Almost -- but not quite -- smiling. Daniel watched Jack carefully, watched Jack's gaze travel down Daniel's body and settle on his cock. Which was, undeniably, about as hard and full as possible. Jack arched an eyebrow, assessing. Daniel glanced down at himself. Oh. Yes, well... He glanced up and met Jack's eyes. Jack smiled and shrugged a little. Daniel smiled back, relieved and nervous and this was so insane. He couldn't believe they were doing this, that they were going to do this.

Jack slid his hand up Daniel's arm, over his shoulder, along the back of his neck, and rubbed Daniel's hair. He gave Daniel one of those long, warm looks Daniel could melt in, and said, "Okay, Daniel."

Daniel paused for a moment. "Um..."

Jack touched his lips. "No 'um'. Now."

Now? Now. Oh. Now. Oh god oh god oh god. But... Wait. Damn.

"No, there is an 'um'," he said. "I, uh, didn't come prepared." He cocked his head.

Jack gave him a blank look.

"Condoms," Daniel mumbled.

Jack continued to give him a blank look.

"Daniel. When was your last blood test?"

Daniel thought it over. "About a week ago, when we came back from 853."

"And how many blood tests have you had in the past year?"

"About 25... Oh, I see your point."

Jack brushed his thumb over Daniel's lips and stroked his cheek. "Now," he said, tone of voice approaching its colonel familiarity.

Okay. Now. Daniel retrieved the tube, rubbed some more inside, and sat back on his legs. Okay, now what?

Jack took a deep breath. "I think it's, um, easier if I..." He gestured, one hand rolling. Daniel blinked at him, not following because he was thinking, oh god, they were going to do this. He stared at Jack's body, lean and fit, long legs, and that odd little scar just above his knee...

"Daniel."

Daniel met his eyes. "Oh. Oh, yes."

Jack took another deep breath, look unreadable, and rolled over. Daniel clenched his jaw. Jack had just rolled over, and wanted him. Daniel felt dizzy, light-headed. He breathed in slowly and let it pass. He bit his lip, poured more from the tube, slicked his cock, and slid along Jack's body.

So warm. Daniel shivered. He kissed between Jack's shoulder blades.

"Now, Daniel," Jack said quietly. He moved one leg, spreading it wider.

Daniel fought to breathe. "Okay," he whispered. He ran one hand down Jack's back, over his ass, cupped one cheek, and fit himself there. As much as he could... They could do this? This was insane, but, oh, oh, already it felt unbelievable.

He licked his lips and took a deep breath and pushed a little. Jack shivered quickly beneath him. Daniel covered his back, held him, kissed his shoulder. Jack was so hot, so good.

"Now," Jack whispered.

Daniel tried, stopped, caressed Jack's skin with his lips.

"Now," Jack said again. "Just... now."

And Daniel couldn't see his eyes, and wanted to, and couldn't tell what Jack was feeling, but had to trust. And, god, it felt so good, he couldn't believe they were doing this, that he was doing this to Jack. So he pushed, again, harder, and oh, oh, _oh_, there. _My god_. Oh. _Oh, Jack_.

Daniel stayed still, felt so wonderful, held Jack. Jack turned his head sideways, pushed against the pillow. Panted. Winced and grimaced and made a short sound. Maybe they should stop, or maybe not, Daniel just didn't know. He waited, stayed still, held Jack.

He kissed Jack's shoulders softly. Daniel's heart was pounding, but he stayed still, tried not to move. Oh, Jack felt so good, so strong.

Jack's hand moved, sought and found Daniel's. He grabbed it, weaving and locking their fingers together, and breathed out slowly. Relaxed just a little. A shudder coursed through Daniel's body, and he pushed just a little. Oh, so wonderful, so wonderful.

He kissed Jack's shoulder, over and over. Jack said quietly, "Yes, Daniel."

Oh. Oh, yes. Daniel moved, pushed slowly, kissed, and rocked, and god, it was great, it was so so so great. Jack was so great, so strong, so hot and sexy and tight, so warm and funny and... great. And, oh, Daniel was so hard, was so far gone, everything started racing so fast. He moved, and rocked, and everything just collided, into one perfect second of total warmth and joy.

"Oh, Jack," he breathed against Jack's shoulder.

Total warmth. Daniel smiled. Total Jack. God, yes. He softly kissed across Jack's shoulder, working his way to Jack's arm. Jack's fingers squeezed his, very tightly.

Too tightly. Oh. Maybe... Daniel chewed on his lip and tried to be as careful, as easy as he could, sliding back. Jack breathed out harshly and let go of his hand.

Daniel touched Jack's back, ran his fingers down it, flattened his hand to rub and caress Jack's warm skin. Jack reached back and patted his hand. He half-turned and sat up, and looked down at Daniel.

"Stay there," he said, and smiled, oddly, not quite a smile.

Daniel blinked at him, and nodded. "I will."

Jack patted his hand again and got up, and left the bedroom. And Daniel observed two things when he left: Jack wasn't at all hard, completely un-hard, in fact, and there was some blood on the sheet, on himself.

He felt dizzy again. A sick kind of dizziness. He rolled onto his back, but that only made it worse, so he curled up on his side.

"Fuck," he said.

Daniel watched the numbers on the clock change. Around him, the room got darker by degrees, still a low grey. The rain hadn't stopped. A gutter or drain on the side of Jack's house was leaking, and it made a rhythmic sound. Faintly, the sound of a train's horn trailed past.

The train horn made Jack open the bathroom window. Cold air rushed in, and the smell of rain. The horn sounded again, a little louder.

He started a shower. He sat on the side of the tub and ran his fingers under the water to test the temperature. Stared at his fingers, at the water, turned it off. He sat there, the cold porcelain of the tub hard and unforgiving underneath him, giving remnants of pain, and rested his arms on his thighs. Bent his head and ran his fingers through his hair.

_I let another man fuck me. Daniel made love to me_.

And that was it, really. What else could you say about it?

He started another shower. Stared at his fingers under the water, blinked, and there was wetness in his eyes.

Oh, no. No, that was just stupid and maudlin, and god, how old was he, anyway? But there they were: tears streaming down his face, and he got angry and sick at himself because it was stupid. This wasn't crying material. Losing your son was crying material.

He wiped his eyes with thumb and forefinger and pinched the bridge of his nose. He switched on the shower and stepped under it. Didn't make any sense, anyway.

_I let another man fuck me. Daniel made love to me_.

Yeah, yeah. So? He'd wanted it. Practically had to talk Daniel into it. Well, maybe not. There was that initial hesitation, but aside from that it was obvious Daniel had really been into it, had really wanted it. And Daniel was the one who'd dreamed about it, god, months ago.

He scrubbed his hair, hard. Yeah, okay. Like he didn't want to do it to Daniel. Hadn't been thinking about it, off and on, for weeks now, wondering, sometimes daydreaming. Yeah, right. Couldn't fool either one of them about that.

So why him? He didn't know. He'd wanted it. He'd been thinking about it when he woke up. Wondering, and wanting--

_Daniel made love to me_.

Yeah. Okay, that was it.

He soaped up his shoulders and chest and underarms. He was alone, in his own shower, in his own home. Total honesty time. No, it had not been terrible. On the other hand, it had not been mind-blowingly terrific, either. But, you know, they had both been nervous. Jeez, Daniel was practically shaking the whole time. So, okay.

He bent down to run the soap over his legs. Total honesty? What they'd been doing right before... Daniel, his fingers... whoa. No wonder it made Daniel all writhing and moaning when he did it. Now that had been unexpected.

He stood under the spray of water. Sex with another man was weird. It just was, if you stopped to think about it. All this stuff they did, it was fucking weird. But so what?

It was so worth it, to have Daniel in his arms, to taste Daniel's skin and lips and hair, to make Daniel come. To feel Daniel come.

Oh god. To have Daniel come inside him. To have Daniel inside him. He'd had Daniel inside him. Oh god.

_Daniel made love to me_.

He finished his shower, wiped off quickly with a towel that still wasn't completely dry from his earlier shower, and wandered back to the bedroom. Daniel was curled up on his side, blankets bunched around him, eyes closed. Jack gave him a long look, and slid into bed next to him, sitting up and arranging the blankets.

"You're not asleep," he said.

Silence. More silence.

"How can you possibly know that?"

"I just do." Jack smoothed his palms over the blanket. "Wanna talk about it?"

Daniel rolled over, onto his back. One arm rested on his chest. He looked at the ceiling, not at Jack.

"I..." He licked his lips. "I don't know if you, um, liked it."

Jack stretched his fingers over the blanket. "I don't know, either."

"Oh."

Jack slid lower and got a good hold on Daniel's shoulder and pulled him closer, until Daniel settled comfortably against him. He rubbed the back of Daniel's neck, lightly scratched his hair. Stroked Daniel's arm. Felt Daniel relax a little.

"First time's never the best," Jack said.

"Hmm."

"Well? It isn't. Was it for you?"

Daniel lifted his head and looked at him, one of those scary, intense looks. "Jack. It was... oh, Jack, I..."

Jack rolled his eyes. "No, you goofball. I didn't mean _this_ first time. I meant your first time. You know."

Daniel lifted his eyebrows. "Oh. Oh, that. Oh. No. It wasn't." He settled against Jack again.

"So," said Jack, stroking Daniel's shoulders. "We just have to... try again."

He felt that -- Daniel shivered and he felt it. Daniel kissed his chest and looked up at him. "Try again?"

Jack raised an eyebrow and cleared his throat. "I didn't mean right this minute."

Daniel smiled blandly and blinked. Little horndog that he was, jeez. He ran his fingers through Jack's chest hair, pinched a nipple. A delicious current of heat pulsed through Jack's skin. Jack stroked circles across Daniel's back with his fingertips.

"Okay, not right now," Daniel murmured, kissing the nipple he'd just pinched. Licking it. Oh christ.

Daniel's fingers slid lower, down Jack's chest and stomach, moving for their target, with no distractions. Jack sighed as his dick woke up, flooded with heat.

"Mmmmm." As Daniel touched and rubbed him, and got him hard, and started stroking him steadily, a rhythm almost too slow. Oh, one of those... Yes. Loved it when Daniel did one of those.

Jack sank his fingers into Daniel's hair.

_Oh, yeah, just keep doing that._

"Jack?"

_Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like that._

"Hmm?"

_Oh, yes. Again. Oh._

"You called me a goofball."

Daniel's hand stopped. Jack shuddered and caught his breath.

"It was a term of endearment."

"Uh huh."

Daniel's hand resumed stroking.

_Oh god, yes, like that. Oh, do that again._

"A term of endearment, in the same way eating steak is dating?"

_Oh, yeah. Faster_. Jack panted for breath. "Yeah. Exactly like that."

_Yeah. Exactly. Oh, yeah._

Exactly.

(the end)


End file.
